(This post is incredibly preachy. Until the end, when I back a little bit off of the I AM RIGHT wagon.)
My husband didn’t do anything for me for Valentine’s Day. And I am totally on board with that.
Admittedly, I’ve never been a V-Day fan. (A term I have never used before and hopefully never will again, since V-Day sounds like women entered a war fighting with their vaginas. BEWARE ITS POWER!) I never liked the idea that there was this one particular day, smack in the middle of February, when men were supposed to do stuff for women. No reason particular to the couple. Birthdays are special to the individual; anniversaries are special to the couple. Christmas is its own brand of crazy. But Valentine’s Day? No freaking reason to go to a special effort, except that Hallmark said to do so. Same goes for a number of other holidays, of course, but Valentine’s Day is the one I’ve targeted because it was, ya know, recent.
I especially dislike the air of judgment that hangs over the day. I get this mental image of Hermione from the first Harry Potter movie saying “You’re doing romance? Let’s see then.” You know what? To hell with that. If my husband does something romantic, I want it to be because he wanted to show me how he was feeling, not because I had this set of expectations on this particular day. It’s not fair to the guys who have to come up with a romantic gesture, frequently without input from the girl, and it’s not fair to the girl, whose passive role in the holiday can do nothing to help the situation … except remove her expectations.
So that’s what I did. My husband and I celebrate our love throughout the year, going on dates, buying each other little presents, writing notes, etc. We celebrate days that are special to us as an individual entity. We each do romantic things for the other. Sometimes one of us will pick up something for the other around Valentine’s Day, but it is without expectation, without obligation. Because what does a romantic gesture mean if it is required of the man, and the woman feels entitled to it? Love and expressions of love should be freely given, not mandated.
SO THERE. I am getting off my high horse now. This is what I choose to think of February 14th, because it is the best thing for ME. However, what’s best for you is up to you, and it is a wonderful thing that we can choose differently! I hope no matter what you do with it, your February is meaningful to you, and you both feel loved, and have made someone else feel loved in return.
February 17, 2013
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6 responses to “Freedom of Love”
Laura Wargo
February 17th, 2013 at 01:08
I wasn’t under the impression that it was a holiday dedicated to men doing things for women… I sent my parents a valentine’s day bouquet with a pot of mini roses and two tiny boxes of chocolate, got my daughter a pretty dress, and made my fiance’ breakfast in bed. The Mooks and I made her daddy a Valentine’s day hanging card (to show off at work, of course), and we all enjoyed each others’ company. The fiance’ got me a pair of shoes, lol. I needed shoes.
I don’t mind traditions. I like making them, and keeping them. I think that Valentine’s Day is a way to remind ourselves that we love each other. For some people, doing it “every day” is easy. Some of us forget, or get overwhelmed, and need a chance to set OTHER things aside to concentrate on appreciation. For that, I think Valentine’s day is a good day.
dawn driskill
February 17th, 2013 at 01:16
Well alrighty then! Actuallt v day has an old pagan connection, to combat it the church made up St.Valentine. Can’t have those dirty old pagans having fun in the country.
On another note, expecting any lambs? Do you have sheep? I have it in my mind that you have Shetlands or Soays? Dawn
Karen
February 17th, 2013 at 03:13
But, but, but, you forgot the best part!
In the middle of February you get Half Price Chocolate Day! That would be Feb. 15th. It’s awesome.
Roiana
February 17th, 2013 at 12:18
…. okay, so I didn’t mention buying the heart shaped Resses, so I suppose in the intrest of full disclosure I STILL want the candy LOLOL
Roiana
February 17th, 2013 at 12:15
I have never been a fan of what I have also termed Hallmark Holidays (nice to see someone else with the same sentiment – sorry I don’t want to celebrate Woodpecker Day just so I can buy your $4.50 card) but I have kinda always put Valentines Day kinda as a kids thing anyway. You know, just so an otherwise gloomy winter month of blah had something fun to theme a classroom for a couple of weeks and give the kids an art project and a fun day to look forward too. Granted, being the fat little girl with braces and glasses I had an overwhelming share of Charlie Brown V-Days (nice image Jules, it’s the last time I will say that too LOL) but I still liked the crafting and the cheeriness of the decorations – and of course the candy.
Your point though, is an extremely good one. In the grown-up world of marriage (i.e. the serious, permanent relationship of your choice – however yours may be constructed) Valentines Day is purely a device of the greeting card, candy, floral and knick-knack industry. The sentiments of the day, while very important, are really much more effectively expressed throughout the year, in little ways that mean something to you and your partner. Doesn’t have to be earth shattering – you don’t have to go all Issac Lamb on me here (but OMG Best Proposal EVER!!!! YouTube, look it up) – just be thoughtful and from the heart. Important note here – FROM THE HEART is the key, regardless of what Jareds and Kays would rather you believe.
Bravo Jules, you have my long-winded agreement – lucky you! LOL
rae
February 23rd, 2013 at 03:33
You’ve forgotten the absolute best part of V-Day. The day after is a DISCOUNT CANDY DAY.