(This post is incredibly preachy. Until the end, when I back a little bit off of the I AM RIGHT wagon.)
My husband didn’t do anything for me for Valentine’s Day. And I am totally on board with that.
Admittedly, I’ve never been a V-Day fan. (A term I have never used before and hopefully never will again, since V-Day sounds like women entered a war fighting with their vaginas. BEWARE ITS POWER!) I never liked the idea that there was this one particular day, smack in the middle of February, when men were supposed to do stuff for women. No reason particular to the couple. Birthdays are special to the individual; anniversaries are special to the couple. Christmas is its own brand of crazy. But Valentine’s Day? No freaking reason to go to a special effort, except that Hallmark said to do so. Same goes for a number of other holidays, of course, but Valentine’s Day is the one I’ve targeted because it was, ya know, recent.
I especially dislike the air of judgment that hangs over the day. I get this mental image of Hermione from the first Harry Potter movie saying “You’re doing romance? Let’s see then.” You know what? To hell with that. If my husband does something romantic, I want it to be because he wanted to show me how he was feeling, not because I had this set of expectations on this particular day. It’s not fair to the guys who have to come up with a romantic gesture, frequently without input from the girl, and it’s not fair to the girl, whose passive role in the holiday can do nothing to help the situation … except remove her expectations.
So that’s what I did. My husband and I celebrate our love throughout the year, going on dates, buying each other little presents, writing notes, etc. We celebrate days that are special to us as an individual entity. We each do romantic things for the other. Sometimes one of us will pick up something for the other around Valentine’s Day, but it is without expectation, without obligation. Because what does a romantic gesture mean if it is required of the man, and the woman feels entitled to it? Love and expressions of love should be freely given, not mandated.
SO THERE. I am getting off my high horse now. This is what I choose to think of February 14th, because it is the best thing for ME. However, what’s best for you is up to you, and it is a wonderful thing that we can choose differently! I hope no matter what you do with it, your February is meaningful to you, and you both feel loved, and have made someone else feel loved in return.